to go or not to go... private?

So, I have been debating on whether or not to go private with this blog. What are your thoughts? 

The past few weeks have been pretty uneventful. I have just been working and trying to stay sane. Jace is doing great. He still does not sleep through the night, but he gives me a good solid 5-6 hours when he goes down at first, and then he wakes up every 2-3 hours after that to eat. The only problem is that when he goes down it is usually at 7 or so, and unfortunately I don't go to sleep at 7. So I have been trying to keep him up a little bit later. It works some nights, but some nights he is just so wiped out that I can't keep him up at all. But he is such a great little boy, I can look past the fact that he doesn't sleep all night long:) I am very blessed. He is pretty even tempered. He is a very serious little boy. He will smile at you, but then he goes back to serious again. He laughs a little, but it is like ha ha, and then he is done. It is pretty funny. He likes the sounds of deep voices. When men talk to him he smiles. 

Everyone says how big he has gotten. He is pretty tall. I am not sure how he compares to other almost 4 month olds, but I agree he does seem pretty tall. I guess only time will tell how tall he will be.

Lately he has taken a liking to his hands. He always has them in his mouth. If they aren't in his mouth he is grabbing for his burp rag or a blanket to stick in his mouth. He has really discovered his mouth lately. He drools a bit as you can see in some of the following pictures. But no teeth and I am okay with that. His legs and arms have some pretty dry patches of skin, but we are trying to take care of that, hopefully he will grow out it. Other than that he is great. I am a very lucky mommy!

This is Jace as the mushroom guy from Super Mario Brothers:)

One of the many children that has been bathed in my parents kitchen sink. I needed to continue the legacy. 

He looks a little scared, out bath at home is a little more comfy for him.

Such a cute boy

Enter hand in mouth

Little Smile

Getting so big, sitting up so nicely 

A little drool anyone?

A little smile for mom:)

3 months old!

Jace turned 3 months old this week. It was a busy week, he got blessed on Sunday (May 1) by my dad, his grandpa, and it was a wonderful blessing and a wonderful day. I am so thankful to my family, Mark's family and friends (who are basically family), for making the looooooong drive out to share in this special day. Those that made the drive included Grandpa Jack, Grandma Barbara, Aunt Molly, Grandma Ruth, Grandpa Larry, Uncle Mike, Taylor, Carley, Melanie, Uncle John, Aunt Ammiel, Travis, Kristy, Abigail, Savannah, Wyatt, Mark, Elaina, Tyler, Scott, Malarie, Siena and Mark. Tamee a friend from work in Ridgecrest also come to the blessing. He received a beautiful blessing which I will write more about later, I don't have my notes right now with me, but all in all the day was very nice, I miss being so close to everyone. It was also very fun to cook for everyone, I am surprised I survived it!

Jace turned 3 months on the 4th. So I took some of his 3 month pictures. He is so cute, well I think so anyways.

And today was Mother's Day. It was a good day.

Just a few more pictures.... we went to the fair on Friday night, well the Ridgecrest fair, it wasn't too exciting, but it was nice to get out. Jace was sleeping in his pack on me, but I wanted to get a picture of him and a turtle, so here it is:)

They put on a puppet show, those things scare me to death, but it was sweet.

 My 2 boys, Big brother and little brother. They love eachother!

Easter morning. For Molly and Jace:)

Me and my boys, excuse my sweaty face, I wish I looked better, but my boys look good!

Jace and his Easter basket:)

He looks a little scared here, but still so cute:)

8 weeks...

I have mixed emotions about my baby boy turning eight weeks today. My little baby is turning into a little man. I am happy because he is turning into such a fun baby, he is smiling now, and generally a pretty happy little guy, unless he is gassy. Being older, he is in a little more of a routine. As long as he doesn't have too much change on a daily basis. He is definitely happier in the morning, but pretty much a good baby all day long. The past 2 weeks we spent a lot of time at my parents because my older sister Brie was in town, and he was just talking and smiling in the early morning. He is so cute! He likes to go on walks, usually he falls asleep, but that's ok. Off-roading is what Jace likes best though, he likes the bumpiness. Good thing I have a jogging stroller. I enjoyed myself so much though with my parents, we went on a lot of walks, and I was close again so I was able to visit some of my good friends.

Jace getting older is a good thing because I am getting the routine down and he is a little more fun, but 8 weeks is also very hard because I start work again on Monday and I will have to leave him. I love working don't get me wrong. I enjoy being a hygienist so much and I am looking forward to talking with my patients again and all the people that I work with, but my heart breaks that I have to leave Jace so soon.

If Mark and I were still together, I probably would have still had to work, because at the time I got pregnant we were looking to buy a house. But I know I would not be working 4 days a week. I am thankful that it is only 4 days. I know many women and mothers out there have to work 5 days a week, and it may come to that for me too, but I am thankful that right now it is only 4. I feel like going to work I am going to miss so much. A friend of mine has her daughter in day care said that when her daughter started going the caretaker had mentioned that she wouldn't tell the mom (my friend) any type of milestones that may have happened while she was at daycare, that way when the mom saw anything it would be like the first time for her, I think that is what I am going to ask Molly to do too.

Which brings me to my next thought. I am so thankful for Molly. She has no idea how thankful I really am, or maybe she does. It has been so much fun for me to get to spend time with her and talk with her, we are getting to be such good friends, not that we weren't before, but this has made us closer. I don't know what I would do without her. I feel so much better working knowing that Jace will be with here with Molly, close by.

I just wish I didn't have to go back to work so soon. It's weird I feel like I was in school and now I have to go back after my summer break and I am just not ready, and I am scared because I have been gone so long, will I be able to adjust and get back into the groove? I am sure

that I will, I just hope my patients on Monday don't get scared when they see me all red-faced and puffy eyed from crying so hard because I had to leave my baby at home.

Which brings me to my next thought. I am thankful that I have been able to nurse Jace, but my

feelings about that are bittersweet too. It has been wonderful to bond with Jace, and I am thankful for the opportunity, but I am not looking forward to pumping in between patients during the day when right now when he is hungry I am here. Also I am not looking forward to going into the supply room to pump. It is definitely not the ideal situation, but I will make it work. Luckily I can go home at lunchtime to feed Jace, another reason I am glad I live so close to work. I mean if I have to work at least I am close by, right?

It is just that these past 10 weeks have been so nice. 2 weeks of bed rest (not that great, but at least I was off work), and 8 weeks of being with Jace and my family. I am sure that it wont be as scary as I am thinking, I tend to worry more than I should, but I am still sad. Thank goodness I ended up with a c-section because it gave me 2 extra weeks!

Wow, I am just rambling aren't I? How about some pictures now?

Jace loves bath time!

One month pictures, I saw some pictures of my friends baby and she had onesies on with how old in months she was on the front and I thought it was such a great idea. Come to find out they are stickers, so I found some boyish ones (ties) and am doing the same thing for Jace.

One of my all time favorite pictures.

Harvey just sat and watched Jace, he was jealous he wanted to be in pictures too.

Harvey got his chance. As soon as I picked Jace up, Harvey crawled on and posed for me, I didn't even call him up there. (I think he's a little jealous of Jace right now)

This picture doesn't do justice of how hilarious Jace's legs looked. They were just dangling, he was out! (Excuse my ugly appearance).

I went and visited my friend Tawnya from hygiene school, and we visited some of our instructors.

Jace and Madalyn, his new friend. He is 5 days older than she is!

Me and my sisters. And Jace of course. They look sooo good, and I look so terrible, I know I know I just had a baby, but still. I don't think I am going to like many pictures of myself for awhile. At least Jace looks good:) A version of this picture is also on my moms and my sisters blog, I didn't want to be left out:)

Molly took this cute picture of Jace while I was at church, she got a good smile. Jace loves his Aunt Molly, and I love this outfit! Thanks Mal! The socks on the hands aren't too cute, but are necessary, his hands are always freezing! (and he likes to scratch)

A better view of Jace's cute outfit, and just another picture of my baby:)

This onesie says mommy's new man, and Jace definitely is my new man! (my only man). He looks so funny in this picture, like "mom, really another one?" I love his little belly and double chin!

I know I shouldn't gripe, it could be much worse, and I am thankful for the time that I get to spend with Jace.

On a different note, I am excited for general conference! I can't wait to hear what our leaders have to say to us this weekend! I hope you all tune in!

Thanks for letting me ramble on! Wish me luck on Monday, that poor first patient....

Pictures!!!

I have tons of pictures that I haven't posted yet so here are a few. Enjoy! They are a little out of order, I couldn't get them all to move for me, sorry

I love the feet pictures! (1 1/2 weeks old)

Such a cute boy, always yawning! (1 1/2 weeks)

One of my favorites! I love his lips! (1 1/2 weeks)

A little drowsy:) (1 1/2 weeks)

Cute body shot! (1 1/2 weeks)

I love his little tuft of hair poking out! (1 1/2 weeks)

This is mainly on here because Harvey is being Elvis for us:) (4 weeks)

Jace's first walk, I thought it would be cold, but it wasn't, he was toasty though. (4 weeks)

My boys:) Jace loves Harvey:) He's smiling (4 weeks)

Such a cute bear! (4 weeks)

A visit with great grandma! (almost 3 weeks old)

Jace's first bath (this one is definitely out of order!) He was almost 2 weeks here.

His Mommy does love him! He was a little over a week old here. Look at that big hand!:)

More pictures to come soon!

Jace's Story

(Jace had some pictures taken by Heather Gibbons, isn't he handsome?)

I know I said in my last post that I would write about Jace’s delivery, but then I thought does anyone really want to know about it? So I am going to give a short synopsis of what happened. Hopefully it isn't too boring. :)

About 3 weeks before Jace was born I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was very high. So my doctor put me on meds and took me off of work. He also told me I needed to have bi-weekly visits to do stress testing for Jace to make sure he was doing ok. I went for about a week and a half and on my visit on Feb 2, I also had a regular check up. My doctor said my blood pressure was just too high and they couldn’t keep increasing my meds (which they had already done on ever stress test visit), so I was admitted. Fortunately I had Molly with me, and I had packed my overnight bag about a week before, which means I was kind of prepared.

They checked me and I was not at all dilated or ready to have a baby, so they started to induce me. Long story short they tried for 48 hours and I wasn’t progressing, I was ½ centimeter dilated, woohoo! I was tired of laying on my side, my blood pressure was still high even with the meds, I wasn’t feeling labor pains too bad, but I was contracting about every 5-7 minutes. My doctor the third day came in and said they could continue to try and induce me, but it might be better to do a c-section because giving me pitocin probably would just cause pain because I wasn’t dilated. I agreed to do the c-section, since it was what the doctor was recommending. Jace was still doing ok, but since my blood pressure was so high they just wanted to get him out so they could get me back to normal.

So about 2:15pm they took me into the surgery suite and got me prepped. I think I was ready and laying on the table at like 2:45 and by 3:03pm he was out. Having a c-section is definitely a weird experience, it feels like the doctor is standing right on top of you. There is a lot of pushing and pulling and pressure, but he was out and I was thankful. The doctors did a great job and I had my little boy. And the rest is history.

My blood pressure eventually went down about 2 weeks later once the swelling subsided. I lost 20 pounds in the first 5 days, and probably another 10 the next few days after that, I was very swollen. But I am so much better now, it is nice to see my ankles at a normal size and not have 4 chins.

Jace is now almost 5 weeks old and is growing like a weed. At his 2 week appointment he was 22 inches and 8 lbs and 12.9 oz. Yesterday I tried to get on the scale and then get on with Jace to see how much he weighs and what it said was 11 pounds. I don’t think that is right, but if it is that is crazy!

Jace is such a funny boy. He looks so dang cute when he cries, it is such a sad cute face. He is starting to coo and it is so sweet. My favorite part about Jace right now is holding him when he sleeps because I get to just listen to him breathe. He sounds so cute when he breathes.

I feel so lucky and blessed.

Being a mom has been so wonderful. But it has also been difficult. The first couple of weeks I was very emotional, I guess that happens with all of the extra hormones that you have pulsing through your body. It was much easier to be single and pregnant than to be single with a newborn. I have had so much support from family and friends and I feel so blessed.

I am feeling much better, I think I finally got out all of those extra hormones, but I still have hard days. I know that this was not ever going to be easy, but I am staying by my decision. I think what is the hardest for me is thinking about the future. It is hard to think that I have to go back to work and leave my son at home, it is hard to think that in the future I may not have him on his birthday or at Christmas, or every weekend. Sometimes I feel like I have been punished for something that I had no part in. How come I have to sacrifice my time with Jace when I did nothing wrong? I know I am not being punished really, sometimes we have trials due to others choices, and that is what is happening here. I know God loves me, I have seen His love in my life time and time again. I know I made the decision to file for divorce, but I never would have had to make that decision if things hadn’t happened the way they did, and now I have to share Jace and that is so hard for me. But, I wouldn’t change my decision. I know that this is what needed to happen, and Jace will have a wonderful life. He is so loved. And he is so special I wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I wish it was different. I wish that I didn’t hurt so bad, but wishing isn’t going to get me anywhere, I just need to make that lemonade!

I still have 3 weeks left off of work, and I am so thankful for that. I came back to Ridgecrest last week, but still am making trips back to Apple Valley, it is important to me that Jace gets to spend time with his dad and I like seeing my family.

I can’t wait to see how much more Jace grows up in the next 3 weeks. He is amazing. And like I said before I am lucky!

Jace is Here!!!

This probably will not be a long post, but I know that pictures are always fun to look at, so here are a few, I have lots to say, but life with a newborn is crazy. It seems like time moves faster with a little baby, things that only took me a few minutes now take hours, but I am sure everyone already knew that. I just needed to learn it. Jace is a great baby though, fusses when he wants to eat and sometimes it takes me an hour before he finally eats, but all in all, a great baby.

So here he is: Jace Emery Blinsmon, born at 3:03 pm on February 4, 2011. Weighing in at 7 pounds and 6 ounces, and 20 1/2 inches long. I did have a c-section, but I will write more about that later. Isn't he so cute?!?! I think so!