(Jace had some pictures taken by Heather Gibbons, isn't he handsome?)
I know I said in my last post that I would write about Jace’s delivery, but then I thought does anyone really want to know about it? So I am going to give a short synopsis of what happened. Hopefully it isn't too boring. :)
About 3 weeks before Jace was born I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was very high. So my doctor put me on meds and took me off of work. He also told me I needed to have bi-weekly visits to do stress testing for Jace to make sure he was doing ok. I went for about a week and a half and on my visit on Feb 2, I also had a regular check up. My doctor said my blood pressure was just too high and they couldn’t keep increasing my meds (which they had already done on ever stress test visit), so I was admitted. Fortunately I had Molly with me, and I had packed my overnight bag about a week before, which means I was kind of prepared.
They checked me and I was not at all dilated or ready to have a baby, so they started to induce me. Long story short they tried for 48 hours and I wasn’t progressing, I was ½ centimeter dilated, woohoo! I was tired of laying on my side, my blood pressure was still high even with the meds, I wasn’t feeling labor pains too bad, but I was contracting about every 5-7 minutes. My doctor the third day came in and said they could continue to try and induce me, but it might be better to do a c-section because giving me pitocin probably would just cause pain because I wasn’t dilated. I agreed to do the c-section, since it was what the doctor was recommending. Jace was still doing ok, but since my blood pressure was so high they just wanted to get him out so they could get me back to normal.
So about 2:15pm they took me into the surgery suite and got me prepped. I think I was ready and laying on the table at like 2:45 and by 3:03pm he was out. Having a c-section is definitely a weird experience, it feels like the doctor is standing right on top of you. There is a lot of pushing and pulling and pressure, but he was out and I was thankful. The doctors did a great job and I had my little boy. And the rest is history.
My blood pressure eventually went down about 2 weeks later once the swelling subsided. I lost 20 pounds in the first 5 days, and probably another 10 the next few days after that, I was very swollen. But I am so much better now, it is nice to see my ankles at a normal size and not have 4 chins.
Jace is now almost 5 weeks old and is growing like a weed. At his 2 week appointment he was 22 inches and 8 lbs and 12.9 oz. Yesterday I tried to get on the scale and then get on with Jace to see how much he weighs and what it said was 11 pounds. I don’t think that is right, but if it is that is crazy!
Jace is such a funny boy. He looks so dang cute when he cries, it is such a sad cute face. He is starting to coo and it is so sweet. My favorite part about Jace right now is holding him when he sleeps because I get to just listen to him breathe. He sounds so cute when he breathes.
I feel so lucky and blessed.
Being a mom has been so wonderful. But it has also been difficult. The first couple of weeks I was very emotional, I guess that happens with all of the extra hormones that you have pulsing through your body. It was much easier to be single and pregnant than to be single with a newborn. I have had so much support from family and friends and I feel so blessed.
I am feeling much better, I think I finally got out all of those extra hormones, but I still have hard days. I know that this was not ever going to be easy, but I am staying by my decision. I think what is the hardest for me is thinking about the future. It is hard to think that I have to go back to work and leave my son at home, it is hard to think that in the future I may not have him on his birthday or at Christmas, or every weekend. Sometimes I feel like I have been punished for something that I had no part in. How come I have to sacrifice my time with Jace when I did nothing wrong? I know I am not being punished really, sometimes we have trials due to others choices, and that is what is happening here. I know God loves me, I have seen His love in my life time and time again. I know I made the decision to file for divorce, but I never would have had to make that decision if things hadn’t happened the way they did, and now I have to share Jace and that is so hard for me. But, I wouldn’t change my decision. I know that this is what needed to happen, and Jace will have a wonderful life. He is so loved. And he is so special I wouldn’t trade him for anything, but I wish it was different. I wish that I didn’t hurt so bad, but wishing isn’t going to get me anywhere, I just need to make that lemonade!
I still have 3 weeks left off of work, and I am so thankful for that. I came back to Ridgecrest last week, but still am making trips back to Apple Valley, it is important to me that Jace gets to spend time with his dad and I like seeing my family.
I can’t wait to see how much more Jace grows up in the next 3 weeks. He is amazing. And like I said before I am lucky!
